well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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