mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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