Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
