dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
