if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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