I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize