covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
