just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
