Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
