the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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