He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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