I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
