at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
why is half of my head shaved?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
