Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
