So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
