Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think people are normalizing furries
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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