careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he thought i was a dude.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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