Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
