I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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