I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize