Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize