Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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