All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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