Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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