i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she smelled like a LAN party
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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