We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
