I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
