my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
