it was like eating out sand paper
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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