Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
