There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
