I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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