U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
