it was like his penis was on wheels.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
