Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
