he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
