I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
