Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
