I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
