She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
