Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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