Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
