I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
