I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
3pm strippers are depressing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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