It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
