Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
