i just had sex bonerless
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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