those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
