I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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