He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
