I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
cat food counts as protein by the way
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
