Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
