i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
