oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
