Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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