Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
