I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
