I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize