carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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