I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
