So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
