Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
