well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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