Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize