dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
